I think I first fell for the ol’ Pittster when I saw A River Runs Through It or Legends of the Fall. He was 20-going-on-thirty when those movies were filmed. But today is Brad Pitt‘s birthday, compatriots.
Do you know how old he turns today?
(Forty-nine.)
49!
Now, I don’t know about you and yours, but in my family, Robert Redford and (hork) Tom Selleck were the heartthrobs of the older women that surrounded me during my formative years. I remember a discussion I had with my mother and aunt, in fact, and was utterly horrified by the way their faces fell into giddy waves of lust and attraction. (MY GOD, MY MOTHER LUSTS?! WHERE IS THE BLEACH?) I remember thinking that the men were VAGUELY attractive, but basically considered the fact that my mother swooned over them to be evidence of her diminishing cognitive abilities. You know…old people disease. And, if I count on my fingers and toes, I’m calculating them–Redford & Selleck–to have been roughly ranging from FIFTY to SIXTY years old at the time of this very traumatic childhood event in my life.
So when I saw that Brad Pitt is on the verge of the big 5-0, I had a few heart palpitations.
Because, not only does this mean that I’m metaphorically TURNING INTO MY MOTHER, but it also means I’m getting to (or perhaps HAVE ARRIVED, however blissfully unaware) where kids view me as…you know, NOT 25 OR SOMETHING. As…OLD AND UNABLE TO LUST. As…sweet baby Jesus, I need more coffee.
But my point here is to address Brad Pitt’s aging process. For at least a decade, the dude looked youthful as ever. However, if you look through some pictures of him from the past ten or so years, since he married that siren Jolie and had kids, he has…succumbed.
The “Before”
The “After”…*shudder*
This may not be fully scientific and stuff, but it seems like the equation here is perfectly clear:
Marriage/Life Partnering + Children + Parenthood = RAPID PROGRESSION TO THE GRAVE.
Nobel, please.
Oh, and Happy Birthday, Brad.
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http://www.mamapop.com/2012/12/its-brad-pitts-birthday-and-suddenly-im-depressed.html