Saturday, November 2, 2013

Oh No They Didn't! - The first review of artpop is in!

Review: Lady Gaga 'ARTPOP' tries way too hard


On Saturday morning, Lady Gaga's ARTPOP leaked in full. Low quality files first came out, then were replaced by high quality files. We heard the full high quality album and suggest you refrain from the punishment of listening to album, which could have been decent if it didn't try so hard to be avant-garde.


The album opens up with "Aura," a track that not only sounds just like "Judas," a previous Gaga track, but also insults Muslim women and mocks their faith. It then leads to "Venus," a track that reductively recalls Madonna's "Papa Don't Preach." The spacy, rocky song could have been fun if Lady Gaga didn't over-sing the versus so much. Now, she's copying Christina Aguilera.


"G.U.Y. is a reductive version of "Paparazzi." It's not a bad song, but it doesn't offer anything new to the table. Speaking of reductive (again), "Sex Dreams" tries to blend Madonna, The Divinyls, and Prince into one song and desperately fails. You can throw a little Janet Jackson in there as well. Perhaps those who were born past 1990 won't recognize the similarities.


In order to add relevance to her fading star, Lady Gaga hired rent-a-rappers T.I. and Twista to help with "Jewels and Drugs," a song that sounds like it was written in about five minutes. It's one of the few songs on the album where Lady Gaga doesn't try to sound like Christina Aguilera. Instead, she is now mimicking Cyndi Lauper. However, her song "Do What You Want" with R. Kelly actually sounds nice when Gaga isn't trying to over-sing the verses.


"Swine," a song aimed at Gaga's former bf Perez Hilton, sounds all over the place. "I know I know you want me/You're just a pig inside a human body," she desperately sings without the irony that would have made this song more enjoyable. She does sing with irony on payola song "Applause," which works more as a Lady Gaga parody than a lady Gaga hit song.


The one song on ARTPOP that sounds like a legitimate effort is "Gypsy," which starts off like one of Lady Gaga's best songs "You and I." It soon leads into an electronic frenzy that could be enjoyable if you hadn't heard the other songs first. She should have made it one of the first cuts on the track list.


As it stand, "ARTPOP" is one of the biggest musical disasters from a major artist in pop music history. Think Michael Jackson's "Invincible," Madonna's "American Life," or Prince's "Lovesexy," multiplied by three in the bad factor. Even though "Born This Way" found Lady Gaga taking herself way too seriously, the good music at least hid her flaws. ARTPOP could very well be the end of Gaga's musical career.


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