i was never a crier.
never. ever.
i remember starring blankly at mandy moore in the movie theatres when she slowly died in a walk to remember. meanwhile, all my girlfriends were reaching for tissues, i was more upset about the lackage of popcorn in my bag.
but now, ive reached the point in my life, where i cry at . . . everything.
and i dont just mean everything, i mean.
ev-er-y-thhiinngg. here’s a short list of examples,
-the today show.
(specifically: ethel kennedy, justin bieber visiting a cancer patient, anything involving animals, anything involving families missing children, anything involving celebrities handing out turkeys)
-long island medium
-the end of the sugarland song when she doesn’t need her parents to send her money. . . she’s staying at the ritz tonight. It just makes me so freaken happy.
- church.
-carrie underwood. jesus take the wheel (oh, he took it. and the baby in the back seat was sleeping like a rock. thank you Jesus.)
-the voice. god i love that people can sing.
-say yes to the dress
-a folgers commercial
-anything that involves the elderly, lottery commercials included.
-dogs without homes
- when alana had to give glitzy back. ( that one got me and if didn’t make you cry. no soul for you )
and sometimes, i just let my mind wander far enough to turn on the ultimate in sprinkler systems in all the world. . . MY FACE.
this past week, I was pulled into the office of my manager – telling me that if I dont pass this (MOTHER-EFFIN REAL ESTATE BITCH) test within the next couple weeks, I could face losing my job.
please understand this, I have been working since I was 15, I have never been fired from a job, I’ve had 3 different promotions at 3 different employers, and I’ve successfully held 3 jobs at one time and not to brag, but I am an employer’s dream. ( yeah, I’m totally bragging, & I don’t even care. )
so, to be pulled into the office an given an ultimatum, made me just want to cry . which got me to wondering, what do I look like when I’m crying? Just so I can judge the level of my embarrassment.
which leads me to my personal examples of crying and when to use them:
Liesa’s 5 Styles of Sobbing:
1. This cry says “I’m going to bring on some tears right now because I want my way.” Do not use this method unless completely necessary (I.e. you’re hungry) overuse will lead people to catch on to your ways. Keep it in your back pocket and use it as a trump card. And if you can’t make yourself cry, think of beyonce and jayz giving up baby blue for adoption to an asian family… nothing against asians , but what a drop in baller status? Imagine from going to the 40/40 club to p.f.changs… the thought will turn your face to this:
2. I call this the “investment cry” -this will take at least 10 minutes worth of crying. The labored breathing, the pause when someone thinks you’re done, then it unleashes again… you’re invested into this now. this style of crying is usually happening in the car, or the floor of your bathroom, listening to something that could potentially cause a slit of the wrist.
3. the “I should cover my face because this shits going to get ugly” cry. usually caused by excessive wine or something really bad happening suddenly. for example; you just saw a 3 legged dog fall down the steps …and suddenly you’re like “DAMNIT ! Who let this dog fall the stairs?! That person should be in prison for eternity! SECTION 8 shouldn’t be pet friendly!”
this cry occurs suddenly and without warning. also very loud/dramatic. and ugly.
4. the quivering lip cry, this occurs when youre watching the ending of free willy and your like “holy lord. that whale is so badass jumping over that weird orphan boy, I wanna cry so bad but I need to be tough because I’m in my mid 20′s and this is a movie about an orca”. If you let this cry run it’s course, hold on tight, you will end up like picture #2… in the fetal position. so do not let the quivering lip break down. hold on for one more day, wilson phillips, trust me, I know that there is pain but you need to hold on, even if you have to look like cry #5…
5. “the you won’t break me, you son of a bitch cry” or ‘I won’t cry, because I know you want me’ cry. this is the test of all test. how long can you hold back the Atlantic Ocean thats in your eyes ? this cry will make you look so bitter and angry (and demon possessed) but that’s ok because you let up on this hold at all… say goodbye to your mascara and the next hour of your life.
this is how I cry. and to answer your question, through my meeting I remained a cry #5… until I got to the car… then it was cry #2 allllll the way home.
xoxo
Liesa
Source:
http://xoxoliesa.wordpress.com/2012/11/22/please-hold-me-id-like-to-cry-now/