Hello everyone. It’s time for the first X Factor results liveblog of the year. If you’ve been here before, you know what to expect. If this is your first time, you’re in for a treat – hardly anyone sings anything and it only lasts an hour. Imagine!


I hope you’ve all got over last night’s fiasco of an opening show. Not only was it the longest television programme in living memory, but the sum of the much-vaunted Olympic theme basically amounted to packing a handful of medal-winners into a cage together, showing them onscreen for a twelfth of a millisecond and making them watch Justin Bieber’s dad witlessly yelp Man In The Mirror for three hours. Surely things can only get better from here. Right? Anyone?


Tonight we’re promised performances from Leona Lewis, performing her new single Still Not Bleeding Love; and Ne-Yo, performing his new single Apparently I Still Exist. And maybe, if we’re all really lucky, One Direction might pop up for no reason whatsoever and do absolutely nothing again, because that was so much fun last night. And, of course, someone will be eliminated. But who? District3 performed first, which is never good. Carolynne Poole got the least enthusiastic reception, which is also never good. Melanie Masson blew out my eardrums, which is… actually, I didn’t mind that so much. Based on last night’s performance, any of them could face the chop, frankly.


I’ll be back here at 8pm to guide you through the highs and lows of the next hour. If you’d be so kind as to play along in the comments, that’d be wonderful too. In the meantime, look, The Chase is on. See you in half an hour.