Good evening, class. Let's begin. Tonight I'd like to talk about song lyrics and do a comparison contrast between two songs – one that is offensive and one that is not. Well, according to Greta Hawkins, principal of PS 90 in Coney Island, that is.
You see, Hawkins abruptly shut down the singing of "God Bless the USA" during the kindergarten "moving up" ceremony. Her reason for demanding that the song be cut from the program after the kiddos spent MONTHS learning it?
"We don't want to offend other cultures."
Many parents were ticked off – rightly so – so these experts in political correctness pulled out the big guns. "Department of Education spokeswoman Jessica Scaperotti gave The Post an explanation staffers said they never heard — that Hawkins found the lyrics "too grown up" for 5-year-olds."
Too grown up, y'all.
Here's the thing, though. They're allowing Justin Bieber's "Baby" to be sung instead. I'll wait over here while you process that.
Because I think the explanation above is a huge crock of crap, I thought it'd be a fun exercise for us to understand what is offensive and "too grown up" compared to what is, well, not. Again – according to these wannabe Mensa members, that is.
First, let's examine Lee Greenwood's "too grown up" and highly "offensive" lyrics:
If tomorrow all the things were gone
I'd worked for all my life,
And I had to start again
with just my children and my wife,
I'd thank my lucky stars
to be living here today,
'Cause the flag still stands for freedom
and they can't take that away.
And I'm proud to be an American
where at least I know I'm free,
And I won't forget the ones who died
who gave that right to me,
And I gladly stand up next to you
and defend her still today,
'Cause there ain't no doubt I love this land
God Bless the U.S.A.
From the lakes of Minnesota
to the hills of Tennessee,
Across the plains of Texas
from sea to shining sea.
From Detroit down to Houston
and New York to L.A.,
well There's pride in every American heart
and it's time we stand and say:
that I'm proud to be an American
where at least I know I'm free,
And I won't forget the ones who died
who gave that right to me,
And I gladly stand up next to you
and defend her still today,
'Cause there ain't no doubt I love this land
God Bless the U.S.A.
And I'm proud to be an American
where at least I know I'm free,
And I won't forget the ones who died
who gave that right to me,
And I gladly stand up next to you
and defend her still today,
'Cause there ain't no doubt I love this land
God Bless the U.S.A
Alrighty then. Now on to less grown up – and obviously less offensive – lyrics from the adorable Justin Bieber and her hit song, "Baby":
Oh woooah, oh woooooah, oh wooooah, oh.
You know you love me, I know you care,
just shout whenever and I'll be there.
You are my love, you are my heart
and we will never ever ever be apart.
Are we an item? girl quit playing,
we're just friends, what are you saying.
Said there's another, look right in my eyes,
my first love broke my heart for the first time.
And I was like…
[Chorus]
Baby, baby, baby oooooh,
like baby, baby, baby noooooooo,
like baby, baby, baby, ooooh.
Thought you'd always be mine, mine (repeat)
[Justin Beiber]
Oh, for you I would have done whatever,
and I just can't believe we aint together
and I wanna play it cool the thought of losing you
I buy you anything, I buy you any ring,
and now please say baby fix me and you shake me til' you wake me from this bad dream.
I'm going down down down down
and I just can't believe my first love won't be around.
And I'm like…
[Chorus]
[Ludacris]
Luda, When I was 13 I had my first love,
there was nobody that compared to my baby
and nobody came between us, no-one could ever come above
She had me going crazy, oh I was star-struck,
she woke me up daily, don't need no Starbucks.
She made my heart pound, I skip a beat when I see her in the street and
at school on the playground but I really wanna see her on the weekend.
She knows she got me dazing cause she was so amazing
and now my heart is breaking but I just keep on saying….
[Chorus]
Now I'm gone,
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
now I'm all gone.
Gone, gone, gone, gone, I'm gone.
And I was like, especially enjoying, like, the part, when she sang with incorrect grammar and verb usage, because God knows we don't want the kiddos to grow up so fast and speak proper English.
Yes. That would be OFFENSIVE.
To Ms. Hawkins, the Coney Island school system and the Department of Education – I salute you in making me have even less faith today in the public school system than I did yesterday. And that, you sheep, is a major feat.
These jackwagons are allowed to teach young children. God help us all.
Class dismissed.
